I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
