imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
