he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
