You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
