Don't you send me to vm
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Such a big mess for such a small penis
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
