In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
