so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
