i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
accomplished twins. life is a go
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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