i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
