it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
