WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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