eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
