I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
