wrigley field is MILF paradise
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
