Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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