My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
