she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
