I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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