You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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