Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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