Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
