What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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