woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
