Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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