I just made out with a guy for $7.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
