So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
