My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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