Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
