The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
