If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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