i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
