I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
