Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
