I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
