sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
