Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
