eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think people are normalizing furries
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
