i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
