Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
