fuck your aforementioned shoe
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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