I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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