hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
