I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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