just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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