yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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