You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
