SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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