I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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