Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
