I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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