just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
