My underwear smells like fireworks.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
