I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
