what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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