Umm I'm too high to move.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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