well most of my day revolves around power hour
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
