She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
