you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
