I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
